Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
