where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
vagina is talking i cant
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
