I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
