My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
