i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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