You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Randomize
