So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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