There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
