It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
