you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
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You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
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There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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