No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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