I look better un-naked...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
