Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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