Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just had sex bonerless
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
