I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
