I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
