I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
