i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
