You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
