He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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