I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
