i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
