Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
