I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize