I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
