A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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