he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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