i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
