You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
