Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
