So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
