Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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