I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
