how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
