we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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