Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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