Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
