Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
