i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
