T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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