Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
