Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize