I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
