is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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