In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
