Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
