Screwed.edu
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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