I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
