On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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