The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
