Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
