i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
