please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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