Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Everclear isn't food dammit
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize