By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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