I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
