WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
