I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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