Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
