Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
it hurts more in the daytime
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
