Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
After tacos, we're chasing women.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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