That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
